Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
