i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
