she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
