Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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