Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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