Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
