We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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