dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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