Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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