So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
