my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
