you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
did you just send me my own nude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
