I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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