Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
