What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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