I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
