Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
