and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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