thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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