i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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