No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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