Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
