She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
