drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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