I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
