she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
