So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
