My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
