This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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