Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
