I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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