So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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