I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
