Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
