no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
