Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
