And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
