I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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