I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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