Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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