drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
