So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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