Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
