im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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