i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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