Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
