the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
