Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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