I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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