im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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