I cockslap morals
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
