never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
