you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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