My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
