They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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