There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I deserve this hangover.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
