Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
