some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
