I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
only you would photoshop your dick
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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