i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
