She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
