So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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