I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think my moral compass just broke
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
