Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've blown a few things in my day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
