yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
