I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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