Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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