I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
