can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
