My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
