i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
