yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
