He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
