just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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