Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
